#we didnt get taught shit most of what i know about history i learnt in my own time when i was a kid with time and enthusiam

[nerdie-faerie]

After seeing that post about untaught racism in british history and talking to Ana about world history I have come to the realisation of just how shit and lacking our lessons were so here is a rough guide of what everyone I know was taught in history pre-GCSEs in vaguely chronological order cus my memories not that good

ANCIENT EGYPTIANS, then ANCIENT GREEKS and then ANCIENT ROMANS who invaded england to expand the roman empire

the original settlers were the CELTS who were pushed out by the ROMANS who were pushed out by the VIKINGS who were pushed out by the SAXONS leading to the ANGLO SAXONS and the name angloland who were then pushed out by the NORMANS whooo

Brought WILLIAM THE CONQUEOR englands first king after winning the BATTLE OF HASTINGS (we all have the date 1066 imprinted in our heads everything else is irrelevant) and started the DOOMSDAY BOOK

Then everythings kinda irrelevant for a while theres the DARK AGES and the first bought of bubonic plague called BLACK DEATH

Then nothing again until the WAR OF THE ROSES which was won by HENRY 7TH whom we nothing else about except that he was HENRY 8TH’s dad whos claim to fame is having six wives and introducing divorce after changing the religion of england the point in the six wives being that he wanted a son who ended up being super sickly was on the throne young and died young I couldnt tell you which of the KING EDWARD’s he was. then was the nine day queen  LADY JANE GREY who was eds cousin chosen because she shared the same religious views as henry rather than mary. BLOODY MARY then had jane killed changed the countrys religion back and thats the extent of what I know. Next was ELIZABETH 1ST who changed the religion back again (no i dont know which is which one of the christianity branches) and is generally remarked upon for never marrying.

All that happened during the RENAISSANCE you know that period of ENLIGHTENMENT and the FRENCH REVOLUTION? Yeah none of that gets mentioned because england

Then another bought of bubonic plague this time referred to as the GREAT PLAGUE this is the one where they BANNED CATS AND DOGS thus increasing rat populations, BURNED TAR in the streets and PLAGUE DOCTORS which didnt end until the GREAT FIRE OF LONDON

Of course at some point there was the spanish inquisition and Napoleon but thats not england so it doesnt get taught I mean we dont even get taught about wales or ireland and the only mention of scotland is that there were a lot of battles so you can understand why world history gets ignored.

Then everything becomes irrelevant again until the VICTORIAN ERA in which you learn that QUEEN VIC was the longest reigning monarchy and about the INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION a brief nod to SLAVERY but mainly focusing on the few figures who attempted to abolish it and of course the BRITISH EMPIRE but we dont discus of course how exactly one comes about owning the majoprity of countries did they lose their rights in a bet? doesn’t matter because information would surely demonise england so we dont talk about it. and hey WORK HOUSES were also a thing

And of course FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE was around and doing stuff. And there was that all thing with the ROUNDHEADS and CAVALIERS that happened at some point again hella vague

Then nothing matters until WORLD WAR 1 skipping over the fact that really britain had no need to get involved the whole thing was super convoluted. Then we ignore the ROARING TWENTIES and oh look WORLD WAR 2 lets ignore the fact that germany got the idea of concentration camps from britain and instead talk about how horrific the NAZIS were and how shocking it was that anyone could treat a fellow human being like that *cough cough*

Then a brief brush over the following decades the FIFTIES in which the focus of SEGREGATION is all on america completely ignoring any and all racial issues in the uk. then onto the SIXTIES moon landing then SEVENTIES. But what about  the cold war with america and russia? Who cares wasn’t england. And the international tensions over nuclear war? Not england. What about the assassination of president kennedy? We don’t learn about our own political leader aside from a brief nod to churchil and thatcher so nope. 

And then its present day minus a decade or four but whos counting

So that completes our very shitty guide to English history lessons through the years